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Thursday, April 14th, 2011
8:16 pm - "You're history and I'm tapped..."
 Despite how long it has been since I've posted, I thought I would just post one of my recent entries on a forum I belong to. It pretty much sums up what's been going on with me lately:


Long story short, one of my brothers (of two) died at 34 from melanoma almost two years ago after a seven month battle with it. 
 
One of our connections was always music, even if we didn't always like the same kind. Music was both of our life lines, really. His main love in life was being a DJ. He co-founded a production company that his friends are still operating now. Anyway, despite not having the same taste in music, recently I re-discovered a band I thought he would have (and possibly did) liked. I noticed that around his birthday (which was about two weeks ago), I started to become obsessed with this band's music, specifically the lead singer. This is not abnormal for me, by the way, but it took me awhile to discover the source of it - until I thought of my brother. The lead singer reminded me SO much of him. Not necessarily physically, but the kind of music they both made was similar and they were both DJs. Specifically, one of their songs hit so close to home I still can't listen to it without getting emotional. When I would listen to interviews with this guy, he would talk about music the same way my brother did. He was basically who I imagined my brother would be had he been more into the music side of things than the DJ side. 
 
The whole point of this is that remembering someone you've lost can come out in some surprising (and positive) ways that you are not always immediately aware of. I will always be thankful for the way this particular band helped me re-connect with my brother. It has brought me a comfort I didn't think was possible given how the almost last two years has been.


current mood: contemplative

(1 call | call me on your way back home)

Sunday, July 18th, 2010
10:16 pm - Worshipping at the feet of reason...
 I have to say that I actually am beginning to like the fact that no one reads my Livejournal. Sure, I don't update often enough to really even make that statement, but still...it's nice, especially these days. It feels like the summer has just flown by, I can't believe we're halfway through July!

As is usually the case with me, I seem to be taking on a new interest, but it appears to be swallowing me whole, for lack of a better phrase...and that interest is atheism. I would hate to offend my religious-minded friends, I really would, so I won't divulge much at this point. Despite the fact that no one really reads my Livejournal anymore, it would be just my luck that someone with religious leanings would read about my enthusiasm for atheism and, be, well, ticked off. Suffice it to say that it all started quite a long while ago, sometime when I was in LA. I can't be sure of how long I'd been living there when my boyfriend lent me his copy of Christopher Hitchens' God Is Not Great, but it clearly struck a chord with me. As the author himself said about Bertrand Russell, I felt that with Hitchens, I was "being personally addressed". But like with so many other things, I left it at that book and when I tried soon after to read Richard Dawkins' The God Delusion, it proved too much for me at the time. I felt that first exposure to true atheism was enough for me. I couldn't have been more wrong.

Fast forward to somewhere between the last few weeks of my brother's all-too-short life and now and things have obviously changed. I remember so clearly the moment that I went from being comfortable with my agnosticism (and proud of it, really) to feeling like at least investigating atheism was my only choice. It wasn't long after my brother's death when my mother kept saying to me, "He's still here. He didn't really go away, you have to believe that. It was just his body that left us." I can't begin to describe not only my bewilderment at those statements, but my anger. I knew her statements in no way lined up with the reality -- that when someone dies, they simply are buried in the ground (or cremated, as my brother was) and rot away over time. I knew I wouldn't be feeling the immense grief I felt if he were still here, obviously. Perhaps her statements just touched the wrong nerve, but from that moment on I knew I had to take a different path as far as being agnostic was concerned. So from there, I read in rather rapid succession, the following books:

The Portable Atheist: Selections For The Nonbeliever, Christopher Hitchens
Letter To A Christian Nation, Sam Harris
The God Delusion, Richard Dawkins (it took me awhile to get through this one!)
The Conquest Of Happiness, Bertrand Russell (not really atheist, but in a similar vein)

Even though that may not seem like many books, for a subject such as this, it was a lot for me. I'm currently reading Godless by Dan Barker and Christopher Hitchens' memoir, Hitch-22. And then there are the seemingly endless pile of books I feel compelled to read, such as Sam Harris' first book, The End Of Faith, Carl Sagan's The Demon-Haunted World and Richard Dawkins' The Blind Watchmaker. Of course there will never be enough time to read everything, but in the meantime, I'm inundating myself with podcasts by the aforementioned authors. I'm fortunate that my local library has a decent amount of the books I want to read next, which was a pleasant surprise -- especially given the religious landscape of where I live. While my move towards atheism was mainly inspired by my brother's death, I can't say that's the entire reason. I felt that being agnostic, and passively so at that, was being intellectually dishonest. Religion has always, more or less, frustrated me, so that's nothing new. However, it is the recent anger and confusion towards it that has made me throw myself into the fire, as it were.

I guess I'll end it there, lest I go on a real rant about all of this. Oi!

current mood: curious

(3 calls | call me on your way back home)

Thursday, June 17th, 2010
7:26 am - Mixes mixes mixes!
I'm thrilled to say that I've finally gotten back into the grove of making mixes again! I can really feel the creative juices flowing; it's quite something. I wanted to post some of my new mixes and see if anyone wanted copies. It certainly has helped distract me from the low points I've had in recent weeks. Here is the most recent one I made for my dad:

We Still Might As Well Enjoy It

Neko Case - If You Only Knew
The Mountain Goats - Love Love Love
Dismemberment Plan - The City
Mike Doughty - Ossining
Idlewild - Roseability
Uncle Tupelo - Acuff-Rose
Superdrag - The Staggering Genius
The Postal Service - Suddenly Everything Has Changed
Spoon - Merchants Of Soul
Bright Eyes - I Believe In Symmetry
Silver Jews - Random Rules
The Decemberists - O Valencia!
Modest Mouse - Dashboard
Ben Kweller - I Need You Back
Fountains Of Wayne - Radiation Vibe
Green Day - East Jesus Nowhere
Jump, Little Children - Rains In Asia
Hey Mercedes - Playing Your Song
The Lonely Island ft. Chris Parnell - Lazy Sunday

While access to most of my music is still limited, I feel like the above mix is pretty strong. To avoid too long of an entry, I'll post my other recent mixes in various posts. Also, can I just say how surprisingly cheap iTunes has been for me recently? Other than Amazon, I can't find anywhere else that has most albums for $10!

current mood: accomplished

(1 call | call me on your way back home)

Saturday, November 21st, 2009
10:21 am - Last.Fm rules!
Can I just say how much Last.Fm rules? While I was staying with my parents, my fiance discovered that XBox is now letting you stream Last.Fm for free! Better yet, if you already have an account (naturally I did) they list all of your top artists' specific stations! I had forgotten how I'd linked my iTunes from my parents' computer to Last.Fm, so everything was right there. Of course, my man may have made a mistake telling me about this, since our music tastes don't always compliment each other. Just because I can, here are my top artists (in order of most played):

The Decemberists
Modest Mouse
Belle & Sebastian
Death Cab For Cutie
And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Dead
Rilo Kiley
Jenny Lewis
Wilco
Bright Eyes
Whiskeytown
Songs:Ohia
Interpol
Iron & Wine
Rasputina
Pavement
Apples In Stereo
Joanna Newsom
The Walkmen
The Killers
Hey Mercedes
Radiohead
Sufjan Stevens
The Postal Service
The Bravery
Morrissey
A.C. Newman
Idlewild
Andrew Bird
Cat Power
Silver Jews
Spoon
Neko Case
Arcade Fire
Neutral Milk Hotel
The Mountain Goats
Holly Golightly
Jets To Brazil
The Black Keys
The Shins
Magnolia Electric Co.
Azure Ray
Aqueduct
Bjork
Velvet Underground
Iron & Wine w/Calexico
Gnarls Barkley
Tori Amos
Superdrag
The Rapture
Ash

This makes for a lot of music listening, let me tell you! Beyond that, I'm back in LA for a few days before Thanksgiving and the best thing about it is being able to do a massive house cleaning. This house needs cleaning like nobody's business! Also, I finally saw Zack & Miri Make A Porno last night and it was quite funny. Not the best Kevin Smith movie necessarily (little can top Clerks or Clerks II for me!), but a nice effort. I can watch Seth Rogen in pretty much anything. Oink oink!

current mood: calm

(1 call | call me on your way back home)

Monday, November 16th, 2009
4:22 pm - Seeing movies alone: apparently, the ultimate shame
You know, I should really go to movies alone more often. It was not a concept I was that into, until I did it last weekend for the first time in ages. I saw An Education, which was excellent and highly recommended. The reason I enjoyed going alone so much was that as much as I love discussing movies with people (seriously, it's a pastime), I loved being able to just let my thoughts on the movie stir and simmer. I'll admit, it was also nice being able to swoon over Peter Sarsgaard without being mocked (it was all in my head, I swear!).

I don't know why seeing movies alone gets such a bad rap; I enjoy it as much as going with others. I also have a hard time finding movies that others want to see, which is not a new problem for me. I feel like most movies I discuss with people get the whole "What the hell is that?" treatment -- there is NOTHING wrong with indie movies, people! Oi vey. I went over to my BFF's house last night to watch a light and fluffy movie (and this girl has every romantic comedy ever made!) and afterward, her husband (who I've known forever) and I ended up watching the beginning of Bruno. I know that Sascha Baron Cohen is funny, but I was kind of grossed out by what I saw. It was a bit over the top, even for me.

Needless to say, I still need to see Boondock Saints II, Pirate Radio (someone has to swoon over Philip Seymour Hoffman, right?) and The Fantastic Mr. Fox before too long. It's been forever since there have been multiple movies out that I wanted to see! Squee!

current mood: calm

(1 call | call me on your way back home)

Wednesday, October 28th, 2009
9:42 pm - Colds suck, but Morrissey and Cliff Lee do not!
I have quite a bit to say and I don't really know why. First off, colds kind of suck. I realize I'm lucky that it's not H1N1 (or whatever), but I haven't even been at my parent's house for a week...ugh. I forget how much even minor colds knock me on my ass. And how hard it is to sleep with a runny nose. Oi.

I've been hooked on Morrissey's "Live At Earl's Court" album lately, and I wish I knew why. Seriously. Sure, I'm glad to listen to it a lot and for once not think of an ex who gave it to me, but still...I just love me some live Morrissey, I guess. I was given a lot of music lately and inexplicably all I've wanted to listen to is that, Faith No More and Eagles Of Death Metal. I'm bizarre. I also came to the conclusion that I must be a bigger music snob than I thought -- I cannot read any music threads on the forums I'm on without wanting to hurl. I'm feeling a bit pathetic here!

The opening game of the World Series? AMAZING. Cliff Lee is so absolutely the man. I can say after having watched a LOT of baseball in my life, that I've never seen a postseason game like that. EVER. Sure, I hate the Yankees, but I did not expect him to pitch a whole game and walk one batter. I should be giving love to my main man Chase Utley (who has both skills and looks!), but Cliff Lee was epic. That's the only way I can describe it -- EPIC. Even if the Yankees slaughter the Phillies later on (and who cares if they do anyway? seriously, who?), that game will go down as one of the best, at least of the last ten years. That game is why I keep watching baseball, man.

Even though I've been sick this week and haven't done much, I did get somewhat of an education, thanks to the History Channel -- I learned about the history of cocaine! Thanks History Channel!

current mood: sick

(2 calls | call me on your way back home)

Sunday, October 25th, 2009
8:17 am - "My only weakness is, well, nevermind...nevermind..."
So it's been awhile, obviously, and while I'm sure very few people actually read this (I don't blame them!), I thought I'd update anyway. And to avoid all my entries being downers, I thought I'd try to update on the not-so-negative things going on right now. I decided, after a lot of thinking, to go back home to be with my family for a few weeks; it's not just about family, but about all the resources I have here that I don't have in LA -- friends, family, professional resources, horseback riding, etc...and I absolutely had to get out of LA, at least for awhile. Why so many people move there is perplexing to me, unless they live on the coast. Unfortunately, it would seem the places we want to live (Seal Beach, San Clemente, San Diego coast) are not feasible right now and being in landlocked LA is crappy, to say the least.

I figured if I didn't focus on myself right now and be somewhere more familiar, I wouldn't really be able to move forward through my grief and get better. Anyway, I've been at home for almost a week and so far it's been pretty great -- I've been able to reconnect with old(er) friends and through that, gotten a bunch of free music! A friend burned about 18 blank CD's worth of music for me on a DVD-R and while transferring it to iTunes wasn't fun, it's worth it. I got so many albums I'd lost, it's so great! Oh, and I also saw Where The Wild Things Are in IMAX and it almost made me cry -- so amazing. I'd highly recommend it to anyone who grew up on the book like I did. Here are the movies I'm hoping to see while I'm here:

Coco Chanel - Audrey Totou as Chanel is almost too good to be true!
Bright Star - Keats' life story as played through pretty younger actors should be interesting.
Boondock Saints II - Holy hell, I cannot WAIT for this!
The Fantastic Mr. Fox - Roald Dahl and Wes Anderson is such a fantastic combination! The animation looks great too.

It's been awhile since there's been more than one movie I've wanted to see out at once, so I'm going to take advantage of it!




current mood: grateful

(call me on your way back home)

Saturday, September 19th, 2009
11:02 am - The one where I'm even more frustrated with Art Of The Mix...
OK, so my last entry was also about Art Of The Mix, but now I have a specific bone to pick with them. *ahem* I realized that one of my favorite mixers on AOTM now lives near me, but of course I need to log in to send him a message...well, AOTM apparently doesn't think that any one of the three passwords I use for ALL of those sites is valid! Argh. And of course I don't have access to the e-mail address I used when I was on the site regularly, so sending me my password there is a moot issue.

So I was wondering if any fellow AOTM folks on here could help me out in getting a message to this mixer. It's not particularly important, but it would be nice to contact him and I'm not sure that re-registering would be a better move. Any thoughts? Suggestions?

current mood: annoyed

(call me on your way back home)

Tuesday, August 18th, 2009
9:16 am - What happened to Art Of The Mix?
When I read a recent entry from an LJ friend about what had happened to the Art Of The Mix website, I was skeptical. Even though I hadn't regularly visited the site for quite some time, once in awhile I'd check in and at least see mixers I knew. The site had looked the same, the last time I visited. However, I checked it out the other day and was baffled.

First of all, they had completely changed the look of the site. Why? That's anyone's guess, as I couldn't figure out how the changes were making the site better. Secondly, after scrolling the recent mixes that had been posted, I realized I only recognized 2-3 of the usernames. Before the site change (whenever that was), I could count on knowing at least a good portion of the names on these mixes; now I feel like everyone I knew has left. Is this a coincidence? I doubt it. I just find it sad what has happened to the site in recent years, considering all that it used to be. I'm also finding that people on the site now are posting multiple mixes a day, as if taking over the site. I don't remember this being a problem before, really. Of course this discovery got me thinking of all the fond memories I have of AOTM and how involved I used to be with it. I've met some amazing people through that site (like the lot of you who are on here!) and while I still keep in touch with a few mixers, it still leaves me wishing the site were the way it used to be, with at least a small portion of the people I know on there. *sigh* 

I know this rant is totally silly, but I couldn't help it; I have a lot of great memories associated with AOTM and to see what it's turned into now is such a shame.



current mood: confused

(7 calls | call me on your way back home)

Tuesday, June 30th, 2009
9:11 pm - Nose in the books...
Instead of my grief manifesting itself in the form of overeating, music obsessions or even things of a sexual manner, it has aroused my love of reading. I've read more books recently than I had in months, maybe even in the last entire year. I've done all sorts of genres too; chick-lit (bleck!), true crime novels, religious theory...there seems to be no end to it. Right now I'm completely enthralled by Dave Cullen's Columbine. It seems an odd choice for someone whose brother just died, but I'm fascinated with the material. It plays out a lot like In Cold Blood, one of my all-time favorite books, so I knew a true crime novel would be enjoyable. It's not easy reading, but I'd recommend it to anyone who wants to know what really happened at Colubine High ten years ago. While it wasn't something I wanted to know more about initially, I saw an interview with the author on TV recently and was immediately curious about it. So that, and a lot of Guitar Hero have been my stabilizers lately. Whatever 'works', right?


current mood: drained

(call me on your way back home)

Thursday, June 25th, 2009
10:15 am - I've no words to share with anyone...
The grief has come in waves during the last few days; I've been feeling like absolute hell. Whatever pain I was feeling during the last seven months my brother battled the cancer is nothing compared to how I feel now. I still don't know what feels worse; having watched him suffer through everything, essentially watching him die...or how I felt after he passed. My man has been amazing with me, willing to take almost another full week off of work (in addition to the week he missed when were just back home) just so I wouldn't be alone. I haven't wanted to get out of bed in the morning -- this is coming from someone who used to think 7:30 was late to get up. Now getting out of bed by 9 feels painful. I don't know how to go about this, I don't know how the grieving process works. The only other 3 people I've lost in my life haven't been family members, so it wasn't quite this intense. But to lose a member of an already small family is another matter. (My parents were both only children, so I have no blood Aunts or Uncles, just chosen ones.)

One of the only things getting me through the grief has been the kindness of my brother's friends. These are truly special people and I'm so grateful to them. It seems each time I can't think of being more overwhelmed by their words about Ian, I find another touching tribute. As weird as this sounds, I'm actually looking forward to the memorial next month. It'll give me a chance to get to know better all of the wonderful friends my brother has, since I already knew painfully few of them. The ones I have met recently have been pretty exceptional people, really. 

Now I have a whole host of weird cravings: to dye my hair a darker color; to make mix tapes again; to spend most of my days in bed; Dying my hair a darker color I equate to what women do after a bad break-up, to get away from themselves and make a new start. Maybe that's what my craving means; I want to get away from myself and how I'm feeling so much that dying my hair feels right. That's not weird...right?

current mood: depressed

(1 call | call me on your way back home)

Saturday, May 30th, 2009
10:31 pm - The Supernatural, Kevin Smith and cheesecake...
So, I briefly mentioned in the last entry about getting word that I was moving back to my home area in the Fall. (Well not I, but 'we', really) With only about four months left in LA, I thought of a list of things I felt I still needed to do/see before I leave SoCal forever:

- Stay in Gram Parsons' room at the Joshua Tree Inn
- Visit the LA location of Jay & Silent Bob's Secret Stash
- Visit the San Diego Zoo and Wildlife Animal Park
- See a baseball game at Dodger Stadium (you read that right!)
- Use up the rest of our gift certificate for the Cheesecake Factory :P

That may seem like a short list, but none of those things are particularly easy to acomplish. First, I have to figure out where in LA Jay & Silent Bob's Secret Stash is (since it's not in Santa Monica anymore, apparently), which won't be easy. Getting tickets to a Dodger game in the summer won't be easy or cheap and I might get sick from too much cheesecake. Heh. The only two absolute things on that list for me are the first two. And anyone who thinks it's weird that I want to stay in the room that Gram Parsons died in at the Joshua Tree Inn can bite me!

p.s.
after living at our house for over a year, I just discovered tonight that our neighbors like Guitar Hero more than I do! what are the odds?

current mood: busy

(call me on your way back home)

Friday, May 29th, 2009
4:29 pm - Go to sleep now, my darlin'...

I feel the need to write an entry in tribute to Jay Bennett -- I'm not really sure why exactly, I just do. Even though a lot of good things happened throughout my week-long trip home (like moving back there by the Fall! yayness!), hearing the news of Jay Bennett's death halfway through my trip saddened me quite a bit. When I saw I Am Trying To Break Your Heart for the first time, I fell for what the filmmaker intended -- that Jay Bennett was a spoiled, whiny egomaniac who deserved to be booted from Wilco (I was deeply a Jeff Tweedy girl anyhow). Now that he's gone, however, I have to feel differently. Part of what made Wilco's second album, Being There, so good was Jay Bennett's heavy involvement. If you look at the liner notes of that album, you'll see Jay's name appear almost as much as Jeff Tweedy's. Listen to Yankee Hotel Foxtrot and his major involvement is very obvious. Even though the camera never lies, if I watch the documentary again, I'll find that it was cleverly edited as to make Jeff Tweedy the all-knowing messiah and Jay Bennett the lesser asshole. I only saw the Wilco Jay Bennett was in once in 2003, opening for R.E.M. Jay had an undeniable energy and focus while on stage that was hard to ignore. And even though I was sad to hear of his passing, I immediately thought of all the good memories that early Wilco represents for me -- particularly a relationship I hadn't thought about for a long time. I hope he gets the recognition he deserves.

current mood: contemplative

(1 call | call me on your way back home)

Wednesday, May 20th, 2009
10:38 am - Move on, move on, there's no point in waiting...
It's amazing to me how certain songs, or even albums, can be like time machines for me. By that I mean, that they can instantly transport me to another time and place. Case in point, Whiskeytown's "Pneumonia" album. Listening to that instantly takes me back to living in Santa Rosa, circa 2004. I remember as clear as day the first time I heard that album -- I bought it at my favorite record store and listened to it on the drive back to my apartment on a particularly rainy day. Maybe it was in part due to the dreary weather, but that drive back listening to "Pneumonia" really stuck with me. I remember thinking it was a pretty amazing album at the time and while I still enjoy it today, its impact has diminished since that first listen five years ago. Another good example is the Wilco song "Misunderstood". It was the first time I ever heard Wilco, back while I was living in Virginia in 2002. I heard it in the middle of a mix CD and stopped dead in my tracks when the vocals started. I remember thinking, "That's the most glorious song I've ever heard! I think this song just changed my life!" And I was right. Almost seven years later, my love affair with Wilco (mainly Jeff Tweedy, I admit) continues. It's really fun to think about these things. It certainly helps to lift my spirits.

Now back to debating whether or not to continue reading my Christopher HItchens book or finally start packing for my trip home this weekend...

(2 calls | call me on your way back home)

Sunday, May 10th, 2009
9:37 pm - 'All the fuckers in the house say "yeah"!'
I decided to declare all Sundays from now on as Tenacious D day at my house. That is all. Back to your regularly scheduled programming...

(1 call | call me on your way back home)

Thursday, August 14th, 2008
2:53 pm - The positive and negative entry!
Here's my life, as of late, in lovely positive/negative form. Damn you, South Park, for permanently linking that phrase to the "check minus" idea. Sheeesh.

+ The SO and I are going to NYC for Labor Day. Yay! My first time there. EVER. I'm majorly psyched!
+ Saw Pinneapple Express the other night. Effin' hilarious, though certainly not for everyone. Ya'll know what crowd you are who will dig it. Those you won't? Don't touch it with a 10 foot pole! Is it me, or has Seth Rogen become exponentially (sp?) cuter throughout his films?
+ Old Navy. Apparently the best place for cheap, 100% cotton button-down shirts. Why are they $20 and they're $40 elsewhere for the exact same thing??
+ Forum meet-up in Anaheim this weekend. I need a testosterone break like no one's business! Horray. It'll be fun.
+ SO and I went to our first Angels game the other weekend. It was really fun! Concessions and parking are so much cheaper here than at a Giants or A's game that I almost cried. Seriously. It's almost ridiculous! But it was fun to heckle the Yankees, anyhow, especially since the Angels won. AGAIN. Booooyah. We're going to another Angels game next week. Wohooo.

- Finding a place to board the dog in two weeks' time. See why I don't want kids? I feel like I already HAVE ONE. I had no idea boarding a dog was so effin' complicated! :(
- Finding a vet clinic open on weekends to get said dog updated on vaccinations. Why my SO leaves this to the last minute is beyond me. GRRRR.
- Figuring out what to pack for said NYC trip. As much as I'm looking forward to this trip, I kind of wish it hadn't been sprung on us at the last minute. Or, rather, I wish SO had thought a little more about all that had to be done in such a short period of time!

Hard to believe at this time in two weeks I'll be in NYC. It's kind of nuts. I just wish the preparation for the trip weren't so stressful! Gah!!


current mood: stressed

(call me on your way back home)

Thursday, August 7th, 2008
10:58 am - Baseball games, The Hills and other oddities...
Let's see, what's been going on around here lately....

- Saw Dark Knight again but on IMAX last night. Wow! Truly amazing movie to see on IMAX, especially since it was the first time I'd seen anything on IMAX. Kick ass.

- Major heat wave going on in the early days of August around here. Not cool. I wasn't prepared for it to get 100 again, thank you.

- Been going back to the gym again, which isn't so fun, but I need to. Hope that gets a bit easier.

- My poor Jeep has needed more and more repairs lately, which just reiterates how badly my mom took care of the thing. Damn.

- Am fighting off the urge to go on a shopping spree at Sephora. Must. Replace. Old. Makeup.

- Angels/Yankees game this weekend -- Yay! I'm so excited. This makes up for not having watched baseball on cable for four months!

- The boy and I are trying to decide when to see Pinneapple Express. We might have an easier time getting into it than we think, but we're definitely going. Oh hell yes.

- Am fighting off another urge to buy The Hills season 3 on DVD that just came out. Why is this my guilty pleasure show? WHY??

- Since the boy and I are going back home to visit during Labor Day, I wonder when this proposal is happening....the boy says he's gotten "writer's block" about it. WTF does that mean, exactly? Oi. I just want the beautiful ring already, damn it! 

Back to your regularly, more interesting scheduled programming...

current mood: contemplative

(1 call | call me on your way back home)

Wednesday, July 23rd, 2008
1:40 pm - The list of things just keeps getting longer and longer...

If I were to have a mantra for my life as of late, it would have to be, "I'M SO BEHIND!!" Seriously, this is no joke! 

I finally finished the mix trade that the lovely

cblaze allowed me to participate in and sent it off today. Do I have an excuse for the delay? Not really. Then there's the fact that when the SO and I went to San Diego last weekend, he had planned to effin' propose but did I see that coming? Of course not! *bangs head against wall* In his typical, vague fashion, he had subtly tried to convince me to walk along the water by the docks and go to this certain restaurant and he of course only told me later that he had planned to propose! Sheesh. And during this entire time, he let me convince him that we should try to see The Dark Knight at the local mall theatre because it would be less packed there and, of course, we did. It was a brilliant, fantastic movie and completely worth it (especially since there were no lines!), but when he told me all of this minor information later that night, did I feel like an idiot! 

Add to that the fact that I sent a friend of mine a very belated birthday care package (2 weeks anyone?) today and that I'm just getting started on another music are package for another friend and well...yeah. I'm kind of pathetic over here. *hides under desk* I could always blame it on the seemingly permanent LA summer heat, but I can't really. And then when I think about all of things that the SO and I still need to get before we make our next trip back home, it kind of depresses me:

- a real fridge. we CANNOT go another day with a piddly, baby-sized one.
- working air conditioner. it's getting kind of silly now.
- a printer. we cannot survive without one. period.
- a vaccum cleaner. all of our shit + dog = evilness.
- my car serviced and washed. it's a disgrace, even if I do have a 10-year old Jeep. it sounds all kinds of tired.
- cable. I didn't think we'd be living off our DVD collection for four months, thank you! oi. I need my baseball. STAT.

And while I am absolutely, completely thrilled (trust me!) that my boy bought me a goregous, jaw-dropping engagement ring, part of me wonders why he spent the $ on that and we're still without the aforementioned items. *scratches head* I do adore this man, but I wonder sometimes...

 

 



current mood: busy

(call me on your way back home)

Wednesday, July 9th, 2008
10:38 am

I thought since my last few entries have been heavy, if not at least loaded, I thought I'd make a list of the things I'd like to do this year now that I'm living in an area like LA where these things are finally possible. I'd love to hear what other people's lists are in this vein, too, so please share!

- Attend at least two Angels baseball games before the season is over. This is a fucking MUST at this point. And god forbid if the Angels make the playoffs, seeing some of games later in year would be all kinds of amazing too. A Padres game would also not be out of the question.

- Make a trip out to Joshua Tree and be able to see the hotel room where Gram Parsons died some thirty years ago. Rest assured this would NOT be the only reason to go out there, but it is something I've wanted to do for a very long time. Again, blame Chuck Klosterman for this one. 

- Attend as many horse shows in the Southern California area as possible to get myself acclimated with them again. Looks like trips to Del Mar and Burbank are in order and hopefully one to San Juan Capistrano.

- Go to as many concerts as I can, varying from the tiny college venues in Pomona to the Hollywood Bowl in LA.

- Check out as many record stores and book stores in this area as possible. Again, this is a MUST.

- Stick to my projected list of books to read for this year, as I am pathetically behind right now on it.

-  Make a trip out to Death Valley and Lone Pine. I miss both places so much and god help me I'll take advantage of being four hours away from them now instead of almost 10 like I was before!

- Stay at the Hotel Del Coranado in the San Diego area. It's reportedly haunted and since the boy has turned me into a Ghost Hunters junkie and we're only 2 hours away from it, this would be totally kick ass.

- Make sure we set up a real guest room/den in our house. We just have to get another IKEA fold-out sofa (the one we already have is fantastic) and a stand for the second TV, along with a decent DVD player and we're set. Besides the guest room aspect of it, there's only so many times I can watch Venture Brothers you know? Crickey.

- Visit as many beaches in this area as I can, mainly because there are SO MANY FUCKING MANY. Holy toledo, batman! If Huntington Beach is any indication, I'm in serious trouble...and if how much I remember loving the Santa Monica pier is any indication...


I believe that's a pretty hefty list thus far. And can I just say how amazing our first night of engagement ring shopping was last night? Oh lordy. The first place we went into, the saleswoman asked us, "So, are you two getting engaged?" And I swear, my heart literally stopped and I probably physically reacted. It was amazing, but also sorta freaky. But it really did go well and with how that trip went, we fully expect to find the perfect ring well before this month is over. *jumps up and down* I found some real beauties last night that I fell in love with that not only looked really good on me, but wouldn't force us to eat Top Ramen for six months afterward! And as many people have said, the type of ring I *thought* I wanted didn't look nearly as good on me as I thought it would, and the type I didn't think would, I loved 10 times more and looked infinitely better on me. Horrah! And the one my boy picked out for me to try that I missed...I knew he had taste, but WHOA....my boy really has taste. *fans self* Getting off my sappy/lame soapbox now. The LaLa land express is still running full speed ahead. Excuse me!



current mood: hopeful

(1 call | call me on your way back home)

Wednesday, July 2nd, 2008
2:03 pm - This is five kinds of surreal...

Please someone tell me that I won't wake up from my current life as it has been for the past week. It is absolutely surreal in every way that if an alarm were to go off right now and it were a dream...while initially, I'd be pissed, it would be okay...because it would've been one hell of a dream. In short, my boyfriend told me not only that he wanted to marry me someday (swoon much?), but that he wanted to marry within the next 4-5 years. This might not seem like a big deal to most, until you consider the fact that we both have always wanted to get married at the exact same age (early 30's). How many couples can honestly say that they agree on that? For as far back as I can remember, I've never once wanted to get married before the age of 30. I never not only felt mature enough to handle marriage before that age, but I always felt like there was so much I wanted to do before I got married and I always wanted to enjoy my 20's too much...I didn't like the thought of being married and having that kind of responsiblity and maturity on my shoulders.

It also appears that we completely agree on everything involving our (potential) wedding plans. I've never in my life been a big wedding person. Growing up, I was always that weird girl who never dreamt of her "big wedding". I never wanted the big, lavish wedding. It's just not me, nor will it ever be. I'm the girl who wants the unique (but in no way expensive, trust me!) engagement ring that holds special significance to my potential future husband and I rather than blow the money on a big, expensive wedding that only lasts a day. He and I have decided that we will, whenever that is, elope and only invite those most important to us to witness it. For me, that's my parents, my brothers, my best friend and her husband (who I grew up with and who is also good friends with my boyfriend). For him, that's his parents, his sister and his great grandfather. That's it. We're saving our money for a destination honeymoon, probably (fingers crossed!) either Hawaii or Australia. 

I can't wrap my head around the fact that essentially the man of my fucking dreams, who I love more than anyone in the entire world (who I never thought would be the type to be the man of my dreams, hence the shock!) told me wants to marry me and then on top of all of that, we want to do it all in the same way. (!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?) I don't know what I did to deserve all of this, but whatever it is, I won't question it and continue to do whatever it is I've been doing. I hate to say this, but...have I become one of those girls I used to make fun of? One of those girls who gushes about getting married when I used to think most of the marriages around me were either staged or forced? *looks around and hides under a desk* I guess this is what love does to you, eh? Oi fucking vey.



current mood: ecstatic

(call me on your way back home)

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